From billa@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Sun Mar 26 22:35:21 1995 Received: from muffet.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Sun, 26 Mar 95 22:35:19 -0600; AA23213 Received: by muffet.cs.wisc.edu; Sun, 26 Mar 95 22:35:16 -0600 Date: Sun, 26 Mar 1995 22:35:14 -0600 (CST) From: William Alford To: findings@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Subject: the brain Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII [once again, from fortune] "I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillips From gach@chemeng.cheme.washington.edu Mon Mar 27 14:00:32 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Mon, 27 Mar 95 14:00:24 -0600; AA16223 Received: from chevax.cheme.washington.edu by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Mon, 27 Mar 95 14:00:18 -0600 Received: from chemeng.cheme.washington.edu by CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU; Mon, 27 Mar 95 11:57 PDT Date: 27 Mar 1995 11:59:18 -0800 From: Ray Gach Subject: FWD>Anecdotes (fwd) To: Bill Alford , Barbara Fulton , Kathy Gach , Randa Knudsen , Humor Listing , Debbie Selby , Judy Watson , Marc Wilson , Greg Zimlich Message-Id: X-Mailer: Mail*Link SMTP/QM 3.0.0 X-Envelope-To: findings@cs.wisc.edu, billa@cs.wisc.edu Mail*Link(r) SMTP FWD>Anecdotes (fwd) Try these on for size!! --Ray -------------------------------------- Date: 3/27/95 11:52 AM From: Mady Lund Received: by chemeng.cheme.washington.edu with SMTP;27 Mar 1995 11:01:17 -0800 Received: by mead2.u.washington.edu (5.65+UW95.02/UW-NDC Revision: 2.32 ) id AA63859; Mon, 27 Mar 95 11:00:00 -0800 X-Sender: mjrice@mead2.u.washington.edu Date: Mon, 27 Mar 1995 11:00:00 -0800 (PST) From: Mark Rice To: mady lund , connie payton Subject: Anecdotes (fwd) Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 18:29:00 -0500 (EST) From: CHARLES RICE 206-553-8504 To: DCR279@LULU.ACNS.NWU.EDU, ERM094@NWU.EDU, mjrice@u.washington.edu Subject: Anecdotes If you thought YOU were having a bad day... Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall, dropped down and found himself in the city prison. In 1976 a twenty-two-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan, was crossing the busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and flung over its roof. The taxi drove away and, as Finnegan lay stunned in the road, another car ran into him, rolling him into the gutter. It too drove on. As a knot of gawkers gathered to examine tha magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through the crowd, leaving in its wake three injured bystanders and an even more battered Bob Finnegan. When a fourth vehicle came along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one person was hit-Bob Finnegan. In the space of two minutes Finnegan suffered a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, and other assorted injuries. Hospital officials said he would recover. While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo Falatti came up to a railway line just as the crossing gates were coming down. While he sat idling, he was joined by a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tehered to the crossing gate. A few moments later a horse and cart drew up behind Falatti, followed in short order by a man in a sports car. When the train roared through the crossing, the horse startled and bit Falatti on the arm. Not a man to be trifled with, Falatti responded by punching the horse in the head. In consequence the horse's owner jumped down from his cart and began scuffling with the motorcyclist. The horse, which was not up to this sort of excitement, backed away briskly, smashing the cart into the sports- car. At this, the sports-car driver leaped out of his car and joined the fray. The farmer came forward to try to pacify the three flailing men. As he did so, the crossing gates rose and his goat was strangled. At last report the insurance companies were still trying to sort out the claims. Two West German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh. Each was guiding his car at a snail's pace near the center of the road. At the moment of impact their heads were both out of the windows when they smacked together. Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries. Their cars weren't scratched. In a classic case of one thing leading to another, seven men aged eighteen to twenty-nine received jail sentences of three to four years in Kingston-on-Thames, England, in 1979 after a fight that started when one of the men threw a french fry at another while they stood waiting for a train. Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged himself. When his wife came home and saw him she fainted. Hearing a disturbance a neighbor came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr Fen kicked her stoutly in the backside. This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart attack. Happily, Mr Fen was acquitted of manslaughter and he and his wife were reconciled. An unidentified English woman, according to the London Sunday Express was climbing into the bathtub one afternoon when she remembered she had left some muffins in the oven. Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing the muffins when she heard a noise at the door. Thinking it was the baker, and knowing he would come in and leave a loaf of bread on the kitchen table if she didn't answer his knock, the woman darted into the broom cupboard. A few moments later she heard the back door open and, to her eternal mortification, the sound of footsteps coming toward the cupboard. It was the man from the gas company, come to read the meter. "Oh," stammered the woman, "I was expecting the baker." The gas man blinked, excused himself and departed. From gach@chemeng.cheme.washington.edu Tue Mar 28 14:04:08 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 28 Mar 95 14:04:05 -0600; AA12477 Received: from chevax.cheme.washington.edu by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 28 Mar 95 14:02:54 -0600 Received: from chemeng.cheme.washington.edu by CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU; Tue, 28 Mar 95 11:58 PDT Date: 28 Mar 1995 12:00:00 -0800 From: Ray Gach Subject: FWD>FFYA- Bonkistry (fwd) To: Bill Alford , Humor Listing , Marc Wilson , Greg Zimlich , Margaret Kramer , Mady Lund , Devota Madrano , Connie Payton , Gina Zagala Message-Id: X-Mailer: Mail*Link SMTP/QM 3.0.0 X-Envelope-To: findings@cs.wisc.edu, billa@cs.wisc.edu Mail*Link(r) SMTP FWD>FFYA: Bonkistry (fwd) This one is great. Maybe we should pass it on to some of the faculty ;) -------------------------------------- Date: 3/28/95 11:55 AM From: selby@macmail.chem.washington. Received: by chemeng.cheme.washington.edu with SMTP;28 Mar 1995 11:51:17 -0800 Received: from gibbs.chem.washington.edu by CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU; Tue, 28 Mar 95 11:48 PDT Received: from selby-mac.chem.washington.edu by gibbs.chem.washington.edu (5.65/UW-NDC Revision: 2.30 ) id AA18348; Tue, 28 Mar 1995 11:50:17 -0800 Resent-date: Tue, 28 Mar 95 11:48 PDT Date: Tue, 28 Mar 1995 11:50:17 -0800 From: selby@macmail.chem.washington.edu Subject: FFYA: Bonkistry (fwd) Resent-to: gach@chemeng.cheme.washington.edu To: gach@CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU Resent-message-id: <1F75AE74E23F207B71@CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU> Message-id: <9503281950.AA18348@gibbs.chem.washington.edu> X-Sender: selby@gibbs.chem.washington.edu Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" X-Envelope-to: gach@chemeng.cheme.washington.edu X-VMS-To: gach@CHEVAX.CHEME.WASHINGTON.EDU Ray, Thought you might enjoy this one. - Deb :) > >Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years >by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as >"Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to >come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two >guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the >quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final >they had a solid A. > >These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend >before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they >decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So >they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and >everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke >until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they >did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they >missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa for the weekend, >and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat >tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a >long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over >and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. >The two guys were elated and relieved. > >So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk >had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a >test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, >which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 >points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that >problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what >they saw on the next page. It said: > > (95 points) Which tire? > > > From billa@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Fri Mar 31 15:49:04 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Fri, 31 Mar 95 15:48:57 -0600; AA00509 Received: from muffet.cs.wisc.edu by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Fri, 31 Mar 95 12:11:36 -0600 Received: by muffet.cs.wisc.edu; Fri, 31 Mar 95 11:41:05 -0600 Date: Fri, 31 Mar 1995 11:41:03 -0600 (CST) From: William Alford To: findings@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Subject: More fortune Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII [These two popped up at different times.] Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. -- Dick Brandon Have you reconsidered a computer career?