From billa@howard.fhcrc.org Tue Jul 25 14:54:26 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 14:54:23 -0500; AA13558 Received: from aphid.fhcrc.org by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 14:54:21 -0500 Received: from howard.fhcrc.org by aphid.fhcrc.org (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA13566; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 12:54:18 -0700 Received: from sparky.fhcrc.org by howard.fhcrc.org (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA11054; Tue, 25 Jul 95 12:54:05 PDT Received: by sparky.fhcrc.org (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA05519; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 12:53:42 -0700 Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 12:53:41 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@sparky To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Subject: From someones signature Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII [source unknown] I could tell by his slurred speech, the heavy glaze over his eyes, and his inability to stand straight that he was under the influence of a powerful narcotic. That, or he was a graduate student. From billa@howard.fhcrc.org Tue Jul 25 17:23:31 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 17:23:28 -0500; AA14748 Received: from aphid.fhcrc.org by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 17:23:26 -0500 Received: from howard.fhcrc.org by aphid.fhcrc.org (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA15526; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:23:22 -0700 Received: from sparky.fhcrc.org by howard.fhcrc.org (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA16853; Tue, 25 Jul 95 15:23:12 PDT Received: by sparky.fhcrc.org (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA06860; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:22:48 -0700 Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:22:48 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@sparky To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Subject: Heard on the radio Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: bendavid@yu1.yu.edu (Naama Ben-David) Subject: Heard on the radio Keywords: topical, smirk, sexual Message-ID: Date: Fri, 7 Jul 95 3:20:06 EDT I was listening to Z-100 in New York and they were discussing the official "Rich List". The D.J said "Weel, it's official. Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, at 31 billion dollars...But before you get your hopes up, ladies, there are two things. One, he's married. And two, he started a company called MicroSoft....now, do you REALLY want him?" -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. The "executive moderator" is Brad Templeton. Please! No copyrighted stuff. Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics, Clinton/Yeltsin/Gates meets God, or "OJ will walk" jokes. From billa@howard.fhcrc.org Tue Jul 25 17:24:41 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 17:24:39 -0500; AA14754 Received: from aphid.fhcrc.org by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Jul 95 17:24:37 -0500 Received: from howard.fhcrc.org by aphid.fhcrc.org (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA15549; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:24:34 -0700 Received: from sparky.fhcrc.org by howard.fhcrc.org (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA16888; Tue, 25 Jul 95 15:24:23 PDT Received: by sparky.fhcrc.org (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA06877; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:24:00 -0700 Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:23:59 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@sparky To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: mfaul@u.washington.edu (Melissa Faul) Subject: Forwarded mail.... Keywords: smirk, sexual Message-ID: Date: Wed, 12 Jul 95 4:30:01 EDT A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist." -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected. From billa@howard.fhcrc.org Wed Jul 26 19:10:49 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Wed, 26 Jul 95 19:10:46 -0500; AA03129 Received: from aphid.fhcrc.org by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Wed, 26 Jul 95 19:10:44 -0500 Received: from howard.fhcrc.org by aphid.fhcrc.org (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA28967; Wed, 26 Jul 1995 17:10:38 -0700 Received: from sparky.fhcrc.org by howard.fhcrc.org (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA20123; Wed, 26 Jul 95 17:10:26 PDT Received: by sparky.fhcrc.org (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA13460; Wed, 26 Jul 1995 17:10:03 -0700 Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 17:10:02 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@sparky To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Subject: Another from Bill's fortune Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left. Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools. -- New York Times Editorial, 1920 From harris@aix.wingra.com Thu Jul 27 12:02:30 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Thu, 27 Jul 95 12:02:27 -0500; AA11936 Received: from AIX.WINGRA.COM by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Thu, 27 Jul 95 12:02:25 -0500 Received: from LOCALHOST by aix.wingra.com (AIX 3.2/UCB 5.64/4.03) id AA07555; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 12:02:24 -0500 Message-Id: <9507271702.AA07555@aix.wingra.com> To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Subject: you think YOU'VE got it bad. . . (fwd) Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 12:02:23 -0500 From: Harlan Harris ------- Forwarded Message [umteen zillion forwarded deleted...] Those of you who have ever worked customer support should REALLY appreciate this... Original message from: Elizabeth Blakely Subject: Stressful tech call To: Customer Service; TechSports This falls into the "Why did it have to happen on *MY* shift?" category. A friend of mine is a chief engineer at SuperMac, and he related this story to me. SuperMac records a certain number of technical support calls at random, to keep tabs on customer satisfaction. By wild "luck", they managed to catch the following conversation on tape. Some poor SuperMac TechSport got a call from some middle level official. . . . from the legitimate government of Trinidad. The fellow spoke very good English, and fairly calmly described the problem. It seemed that was a coup attempt in progress at that moment. However, the national armoury for that city was kept in the same building as the Legislature, and it seems that there was a combination lock on the door to the armoury. Of the people in the capitol city that day, only the Chief of the Capitol Guard and the Chief Armourer knew the combination to the lock, and they had already been killed. So, this officer of the government of Trinidad continued, the problem is this. The combination to the lock is stored in a file on the Macintosh , but the file has been encrypted with the SuperMac product called Sentinel. Was there any chance, he asked, that there was a "back door" to the application, so they could get the combination, open the armoury door, and defend the Capitol Building and the legitimately elected government of Trinidad against the insurgents? All the while he is asking this in a very calm voice, there is the sound of gunfire in the background. The Technical Support guy put the person on hold. A phone call to the phone company verified that the origin of the call was in fact Trinidad. Meanwhile, there was this mad scramble to see if anybody knew of any "back doors" in the Sentinel program. As it turned out, Sentinel uses DES to encrypt the files, and there was no known back door. The Tech Support fellow told the customer that aside from trying to guess the password, there was no way through Sentinel, and that they'd be better off trying to physically destroy the lock. The official was very polite, thanked him for the effort, and hung up. That night, the legitimate government of Trinidad fell. One of the BBC reporters mentioned that the casualties seemed heaviest in the capitol, where for some reason, there seemed to be little return fire from the government forces. O.K., so they shouldn't have kept the combination in so precarious a fashion. But it does place, "I can't see my Microsoft Mail server" complaints in a different sort of perspective, does it not? ------- End of Forwarded Message From billa@howard.fhcrc.org Thu Jul 27 16:12:23 1995 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Thu, 27 Jul 95 16:12:21 -0500; AA14305 Received: from aphid.fhcrc.org by lucy.cs.wisc.edu; Thu, 27 Jul 95 16:12:19 -0500 Received: from howard.fhcrc.org by aphid.fhcrc.org (5.x/SMI-SVR4) id AA08454; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 14:12:16 -0700 Received: from sparky.fhcrc.org by howard.fhcrc.org (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA12536; Thu, 27 Jul 95 14:12:04 PDT Received: by sparky.fhcrc.org (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA19872; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 14:11:40 -0700 Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 14:11:39 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@sparky To: findings@lucy.cs.wisc.edu Subject: more fortune Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII [for those programmers out there...] It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.