From mreames@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu Tue Apr 25 13:20:28 1995 Received: from wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:20:25 -0500; AA24239 Date: Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:20:23 -0500 Message-Id: <9504251820.AA23469@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu> Received: by wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:20:23 -0500 From: Martin A. Reames To: findings@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu Subject: poetry (?!) A friend of mine sent me this ... kinda weird, but fun -- Newsgroups: alt.stupidity,alt.destroy.the.internet,alt.slack,alt.discordia,alt.religion.ki Subject: Re: GO TO THE ZOO From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) Date: 3 Apr 1995 21:15:28 GMT Here are two "top-row" poems as they appeared in rec.humor.funny a year or two ago, with Subject: Stuck Shift Key Poetry. FYI - a "wahka" is the decidedly "proper" (by popular vote) name for the characters ">" and "<". This is in spite of INFOCUS readers of Denver who still refer to them as "Norkies". The Michigan crowd apparently has corrupted the spelling to "waka". "Waka, Waka" <>!*''# ^@$$- !*'$_ %*<>#4 &)../ |{~~SYSTEM HALTED Transliterated: Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret at back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat tick dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka number four, Ampersand right-paren dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket tilde tilde CRASH. A fragment of a drinking (or financing?) song called "Hatless Atlas": ^<@<.@* }"_# | -@$&/_% !( @|=> ;+$?^? ,#"~|)^G hat less at less point at star backbrace double base pound space bar dash at cash and slash base rate wow open tab at bar is great semi backquote plus cash huh DEL comma pound double tilde bar close BELL martin -- reply to: mreames@cs.wisc.edu && http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~mreames/mreames.html "The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote." -- Ambassador Kosh [... and a big hello to all my fans in domestic surveillance:] FBI Noriega Nazi smuggle strategic Panama Semtex North Korea kibo Cocaine KGB cryptographic Ortega terrorist Clinton From mreames@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu Tue Apr 25 14:00:05 1995 Received: from wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:59:59 -0500; AA24624 Date: Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:59:56 -0500 Message-Id: <9504251859.AA23525@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu> Received: by wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu; Tue, 25 Apr 95 13:59:56 -0500 From: Martin A. Reames To: findings@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu, smucker@wensleydale.cs.wisc.edu Subject: *whack* allegedly from a trial transcript in a recent edition of the texas bar journal... The Court: Next witness. Ms. Olschner: Your honor, at this time, I would like to swat Mr. Buck in the head with his client's deposition. The Court: You mean read it? Ms. Olschner: No sir, I mean swat him in the head with it. Pursuant to Rule 32, I may use this deposition for any purpose, and that is the purpose for which I want to use it. The Court: Well, it does say that. (pause) There being no objection, you may proceed. Ms. Olschner: Thank you, Judge Hanes. (whereupon Ms. Olschner swatted Mr. Buck in the head with the deposition.) Mr. Buck: But, Judge. The Court: Next witness. Mr. Buck: We object. The Court: Sustained. Next witness. -- martin -- reply to: mreames@cs.wisc.edu && http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~mreames/mreames.html "The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote." -- Ambassador Kosh [... and a big hello to all my fans in domestic surveillance:] Legion of Doom AK-47 Saddam Hussein BATF Rule Psix terrorist strategic Cocaine smuggle explosion Delta Force security Semtex CIA counter-intelligence From billa@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Fri Apr 28 13:50:16 1995 Received: from muffet.cs.wisc.edu by sea.cs.wisc.edu; Fri, 28 Apr 95 13:50:14 -0500; AA10310 Received: by muffet.cs.wisc.edu; Fri, 28 Apr 95 13:50:11 -0500 Date: Fri, 28 Apr 1995 13:50:09 -0500 (CDT) From: William Alford To: findings@muffet.cs.wisc.edu Subject: Reality is always funnier ... Message-Id: Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII [I think the originator was lost.] The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom. Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too s--- faced to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be a d---head all day long.