From billa@fhcrc.org Mon Jun 24 12:17:02 1996 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu (lucy.cs.wisc.edu [128.105.2.11]) by sea.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA22128 for ; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 12:16:55 -0500 Received: from spider. (spider.fhcrc.org [140.107.32.13]) by lucy.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA11320 for ; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 12:16:53 -0500 Received: from localhost by spider. (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id KAA18716; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 10:16:50 -0700 Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 10:16:50 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@spider To: Findings list Subject: HUM: Amusing Irrelevant Facts (**1/2) (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Sun, 23 Jun 1996 22:53:52 -0400 From: "Steven A. Willoughby" To: humour-list@synapse.net Subject: HUM: Amusing Irrelevant Facts (**1/2) AMUSING IRRELEVANT FACTS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred. *There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo. *Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI. *Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded. *In 1983, a Japanese artist made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of toast. *In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting ad space on his cows. *An average person laughs about 15 times a day. *The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night. *The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s. *The first-known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. *America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men. *A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. *The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is. *The average bank teller loses about $250 every year. *Every person has a unique tongue print. *Women's hearts beat faster than men's. *Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star. *Most American car horns honk in the key of F. *About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money. [The rest of us are avoiding reality for four more years.] *Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. *Most lipstick contains fish scales. *Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego. *The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley. *27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell." *Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. *"Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo. \\|// (o o) THE ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST ~~~~~~~~~~~~oOOo~(_)~oOOo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Steve Willoughby's E-mail: SUBSCRIPTION -- It's FREE!: --------------------------- ---------------------------- oracle@synapse.net To subscribe to the Oracle's st944wk3@post.drexel.edu mail list, send a message with only the word SUBSCRIBE in the body (not the subject) of the message to: WWW Site humour-list-request@lists.synapse.net ------------- http://www.synapse.net/~oracle/Contents/HumorArch.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From billa@fhcrc.org Mon Jun 24 12:26:49 1996 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu (lucy.cs.wisc.edu [128.105.2.11]) by sea.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA22284 for ; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 12:26:39 -0500 Received: from spider. (spider.fhcrc.org [140.107.32.13]) by lucy.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id MAA11450 for ; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 12:26:37 -0500 Received: from localhost by spider. (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id KAA18889; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 10:26:34 -0700 Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 10:26:34 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@spider Reply-To: Bill Alford To: Findings list Subject: An interesting thing for findings Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII CRACKING PAYS IN GREAT BRITAIN A recent issue of the London Sunday Times reports that banks in Great Britain have been paying hush money to computer crackers who penetrated their systems, in exchange for their silence about their conquests. Payments have totaled 400 million pounds ($619 million US) so far, and victims include the Bank of London. The crackers reportedly sent encrypted messages such as, "Now do you believe we can destroy your computers?" and used "logic bombs," which can be remotely detonated and other sophisticated information warfare techniques. (Information Week 10 Jun 96 p32) [The above was from Edupage.] Bill Alford --- billa@fhcrc.org | Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center | *your favorite quote here* 1124 Columbia Street, B1-030 | Seattle, WA 98104 Ph# (206) 667-5499 | From billa@fhcrc.org Tue Jun 25 01:14:01 1996 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu (lucy.cs.wisc.edu [128.105.2.11]) by sea.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id BAA04402 for ; Tue, 25 Jun 1996 01:13:56 -0500 Received: from spider. (spider.fhcrc.org [140.107.32.13]) by lucy.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id BAA21176 for ; Tue, 25 Jun 1996 01:13:54 -0500 Received: from localhost by spider. (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id XAA04583; Mon, 24 Jun 1996 23:13:50 -0700 Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 23:13:50 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@spider To: Findings list Subject: HUM: High Tech Coasters (**1/2) (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII From: "Steven A. Willoughby" To: humour-list@synapse.net Subject: HUM: High Tech Coasters (**1/2) Hi-Tech Coasters - Free! This is a special, limited offer for free hi-tech coasters to place your cups and mugs upon. Sized and shaped exactly like 3 1/2" high density disks, these durable plastic coasters will provide years of service while keeping your hardwood furniture free of those nasty rings of dried soda and coffee. Order several to leave around the house - for the living room, next to the computer, etc. Coasters can be custom printed with the word "Macintosh" or "Windows" to suit your individual preferences. Flash! For extra-large mugs, we now provide coasters that are the exact size and shape as CD-ROM's! Be the first on the block to put your mug down on the hippest coaster today! For your free coaster, call America Online today at (800) 445-6622. Order now! A few days later, the following "Adminstrative note" was found in the group: [Note - the previous "Hi-Tech Coasters!" offer was, of course, a joke, poking fun at the ease with which AOL distributes its start-up diskettes. The joke was apparently subtle enough for people to take it as a real offer. Please don't flood AOL with calls asking for the "free coaster", as they won't have a clue what you're talking about - ed.] (NOTE FROM ORACLE: If you *really* want coasters, ask them for their free start-up disks. I reformat about 2-3 floppies per month that they send me, and I don't even ask for them!) \\|// (o o) THE ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST ~~~~~~~~~~~~oOOo~(_)~oOOo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Steve Willoughby's E-mail: SUBSCRIPTION -- It's FREE!: --------------------------- ---------------------------- oracle@synapse.net To subscribe to the Oracle's st944wk3@post.drexel.edu mail list, send a message with only the word SUBSCRIBE in the body (not the subject) of the message to: WWW Site humour-list-request@lists.synapse.net ------------- http://www.synapse.net/~oracle/Contents/HumorArch.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From billa@fhcrc.org Sat Jun 29 16:53:04 1996 Received: from lucy.cs.wisc.edu (lucy.cs.wisc.edu [128.105.2.11]) by sea.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id QAA23496 for ; Sat, 29 Jun 1996 16:53:00 -0500 Received: from spider. (spider.fhcrc.org [140.107.32.13]) by lucy.cs.wisc.edu (8.6.12/8.6.12) with ESMTP id QAA20371 for ; Sat, 29 Jun 1996 16:52:58 -0500 Received: from localhost by spider. (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id OAA01964; Sat, 29 Jun 1996 14:52:56 -0700 Date: Sat, 29 Jun 1996 14:52:55 -0700 (PDT) From: Bill Alford X-Sender: billa@spider To: Findings list Subject: Collage 277 (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Collage 277 H u m o u r N e t 25 JUN 96 SUBJ: English? Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one loose tooth, 2 leese teeth? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a SINGLE annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo or a truck by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? Lift a thumb to thumb a lift? Table a plan in order to plan a table? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can a person be "pretty ugly?" How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another. Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "crazy, man!" is a compliment (as when applauding a jazz performance.) English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it. ========================< H U M O U R N E T >=======================